The Real Reason Work Feels So Hard

Companion to the MaxLife episode with Susan Schmitt Winchester

Susan Schmitt Winchester's big idea is that the person at work who keeps setting you off isn't really the problem. They're an avatar, standing in for someone from your past, and the size of your reaction is the tell. This worksheet finds your avatar. It works whether you're the office fighter, the quiet freezer, or the one who fawns to keep the peace. Be honest on paper. No one else reads this.

▶ Watch the full episode with Susan Schmitt Winchester for deeper context on how to approach these questions

The Bumper Car You Keep Hitting

Find the crash. Who or what at work reliably sets you off, the person, the kind of comment, the situation? Don't justify it yet. Just name the one that still has a charge when you picture it.

Who Does This Really Remind You Of

Sit with the feeling, not the facts. When this person triggers you, what's the older, more familiar feeling underneath, and who in your past first gave you that feeling? That's your avatar.

When they do that, I'm really feeling ___, the same way I did with ___.

Whose Property Is This?

Sort your trigger from prompt 01. What's actually yours to own, and what have you been carrying that was really theirs?

Mine to own

e.g. how I respond, the story I tell myself, whether I speak up

Theirs, not mine to carry

e.g. their bad mood, their tone, their need to be right

The Version of You On The Other Side

Picture handling this trigger as your highest-functioning self instead of the victim, villain, or martyr. What would you do differently, and who would you get to become if this stopped quietly running your days?

Your 90-Second Reset

An emotion only lasts about 90 seconds in the body. Next time the bumper car hits, what's your one move to release the charge first, sound, movement, or breath (a walk, a real exhale, even a $5 bat on a couch)? Name it now so it's ready before you need it.

Winchester is 22 years sober and still gets triggered by the memory of her father. The goal was never to stop being human. It's to shorten the time you spend spinning, from weeks down to 90 seconds. Look at prompt 05. You don't need the perfect response. You just need to move the charge out of your body first, then choose.

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